The last Full Moon was on the 27th of March and I accepted an invitation to be a part of a Full Moon Yoga Session up at The North Deck, a cantilevered observation platform which extends out from a ridge high over our rain forest. This amazing tree canopy eventually makes its way down to the sea and the famous North Coast of Trinidad.
It was my first time up at The North Deck, and despite that fact that the yoga session took place at night and the Caribbean Sea was not visible below, it was magical being up there. I’ve always felt affected by the Moon…it’s simple logic to me really: I’m made up of 70% water, so why wouldn’t the Moon have some sort of effect on me as it has on every body of water on the planet? (Unfortunately, a few days before the Full Moon I’m unusually temperamental, but that’s a story for another day.)
“The Moon is believed to represent our intuition, mind, emotions, creativity, sensitivity, and the great feminine power. The Full Moon brings closure, death (to a situation or feeling), change, rebirth, and manifestation. It is a time where we can reflect on those things that no longer serve and give ourselves honor and nourishment in releasing them. The Moon corresponds to the element water and invites us to remember our connection to the oceans held within earth, as well as the oceans of water contained within our own bodies. Water invites movement, flow, a breaking through of built up physical, energetic, and emotional resistance. Water is the element that soothes and calms through steady, cool dissolve.”
It is believed the Full Moon day can bring spiritual clarity and inspiration from the Divine. The gates to true knowledge are opened within our hearts and we have the greatest opportunity to achieve peace and absolute freedom. I was especially hoping for this to be true that night as I really needed some clarity after a doozy of a weekend.
I had done some research about the power of this Full Moon and was ready to release what no longer served me and was weighing me down, to take responsibility for what had happened in my life and what was happening (good and bad), and to review and rejuvenate my relationship with myself and with others. The full moon is a time of illumination and I was ready to draw upon the clarity that comes from introspection even if uncomfortable truths were revealed. I was going to let them be a catalyst for change.
The Yoga was Vinyasa Flow, a version I had never tried before and I hadn’t actually practiced my Yoga in almost seven months. I was a bit concerned that I would not hold my own but it was amazing: my body just took over and fell right into it. After an hour or so, we were all lying on our mats resting and letting the energies do their work so I started reviewing what I had planned. As I stared at the Moon through the canopy of branches and leaves above me, I let go of hurt, anger, doubt, fear, insecurity, and feelings of unworthiness. Then I invited love, faith, hope, and clarity into my life. The wind started to blow as I watched the branches above me dance and then all of a sudden I felt the wind on my face and leaves falling on and around me. I reflexively clutched the large leaf that landed on my tummy, as my tears flowed. It was an amazing experience. One I hope to carry with me to the next Full Moon.
More about my life with Yoga can be found here.
I posted this video on facebook today while watching a film called happythankyoumoreplease. I hadn’t heard about it before but watched another film written and directed by the same person, Josh Radnor, a few days prior, so felt like giving it a shot. During the movie, I heard this song and posted it on my page with a caption which read: “I received a gift today.” I did that because the song’s first few lyrics connected with me:
what are you so afraid of?
why are you feeling scared?
what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?
I know I’ve been holding myself back, out of fear mostly. Fear of the unknown, fear of opening myself up to love, fear of getting hurt, fear of failure. All of these fears were filling my mind and stopping me from moving forward, toward new adventures. They were taking up so much space in my mind and heart, leaving little room for appreciating what I do have and what I do know, and even less room for hope and promise. The song was a reminder to be open and to be brave and welcome new opportunities. I had to share it.
Ten, a few minutes later, one of the main characters, Annie, said: “About a year ago, I was in this cab, and the cab driver, this Indian guy starts telling me all sorts of stuff… He said, ‘You have great potential in this lifetime, and the key to your life is gratitude, you do not give it enough thanks.’ And I said, ‘Well, how do I do that?’ And he said, ‘Simple, say thank you!’…And he said after I say thank you, I should say more please… So that gratitude in the universe is eternally abundant.. so, I’ve been giving gratitude a shot. Thankyoumoreplease, thankyoumoreplease…”
That quote resonated with me as well, as a reminder to do what I know: appreciate what I have, and welcome more.
Ok, so by this point I’m liking this unassuming little film, even if it’s simply because the characters are trying to find their way through life like everyone else, bungling and bumbling, like everyone else, fearing life, like everyone else. Like the other film I saw by Radnor, I understand what he was trying to do, and even though sometimes the dialogue seems over written and cliched, two additional quotes I’ll take away with me, just because I’m a hopeful romantic.
Sam #2: “It’s not easy to be adored – you in particular – you have a tougher time with it than most, I get that, but I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you Annie. It an area where, I think I got a great deal of talent. You’re worth the adoration Annie, you’re worth it, and the fact that you don’t believe it, has nothing to do with whether it’s true or not, it is true for me, and that is all that matters. “
Annie: “Sadness be gone, let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy.”
December 31st, a day for setting resolutions and goals, is fast approaching and I’m overflowing with blog post ideas: December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’; A possible explanation for my missing Farewell to 2011 post; My 2012 Wrap Up; What 2013 means to me; and many more. But right now, more than anything, I find myself ready for some peace of mind. If there is one thing I’ve done a lot of this year is THINK. I’ve analyzed EVERYTHING: the past, the present, the future, my behaviour, the behaviour of others, and supposed meanings in everything around me. It’s time for some quiet. So, I’m covering everything today. All these thoughts running rampant in my brain are coming out now. So, on with the show!
December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’
Last week, on the drive to the airport it was the hot topic. To me, the big change is the shift in collective consciousness. Of course this is a shift that has been happening for decades and it will continue to shift for a few more decades. This year simply marked an acceleration. For the first time in the history of humanity as we know it there is a global network unlike any other. Almost 35% of the people on the planet have Internet access. Almost 85% of the global population is literate. Information is shared in a way it never has been before, through the Internet, television, radio and print media. And, even though much of this ‘information’ is insubstantial and as far as I see it, rubbish, I cannot deny that I’ve seen people who are trying. I see those who are making a difference in the world by helping others, by teaching, and by doing their part to make the world a better place. Those are the ones who give me hope. That is the collective shift that I am talking about. I see more and more like minded people making connections and working together for common goals. It’s exciting and encouraging.
My missing ‘Farewell to 2011’ post
By December 2011 I’d been going to a psychotherapist for a little over a month. After an unnerving end to an unhealthy relationship I realized that I was at a point where I had to figure out how I’d reached a point in my life where I felt it was acceptable for me to deem myself unworthy of, well, more. When the time came to write my end of year post, all I would do was re-read my end of 2010 post and wonder where I went. A friend told me that I had already accomplished so much, just by standing up for myself and having the courage to try to understand my life and to change it. He was right, but at the time, I felt broken and unsure and quite frankly, terrified. I didn’t know whether or not I could do it. Changing a core belief from a negative one to a positive one after almost three decades of reinforcement seemed an insurmountable task. Looking back on it now, I would say that if there was anything at all I accomplished for 2011, it was that I took a hold of myself. I made ME my first priority and I knew for sure that no matter what was revealed to me and where my journey led, I wasn’t going to quit.
2012 Wrap Up
It’s fitting that this would be called a Wrap Up. Like they say in the film industry: “That’s a wrap!” It’s been one helluva year. A few weeks before my birthday in November I was talking to a friend and I said to him that I was as much as 90% happy with my life. I am surrounded by people who I genuinely care for and am genuinely cared for: a loving family and friends I respect and have so much fun with. I can afford to pay my bills and have enough to enjoy going out for dinner or meeting friends to share a bottle or two of wine. I made a commitment to myself to leave an unsatisfying job no matter what, and I reaffirmed my choice to make Luna Surya Studios a place for creativity and healing. I learned to love and respect myself in a way I never have before. I’ve come to an understanding about my history and I see all the potential that it has. I’ve learned to love all the shadowy corners of me and embrace all the light in me. I am truly grateful for my life and for all my gifts. At the very beginning of 2012 I remember saying that this was a year for change. This was to be a year to understand what was not healthy for me and to learn to let go. It was a year for improvement. It has been, with all the remarkable, painful, surprising and incredible lessons that such change brings with it. This has been, truly, an amazing year, and I am humbled with gratitude for having had it.
What 2013 means to me:
So here I am on the threshold of a new year and for once it really does feel like an ending and a beginning. I know that change will continue, as it is in life’s nature to do so. I’m OK with that. I am stronger than I’ve ever been I think and I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of POSSIBILITIES. My world is open. My future is open. 2012 was a year of soul searching, learning, lessons and revelations. I think for now, I can say that for 2013 my goal is to Be Present. I am grateful for the past, it is my teacher, and I look forward to the future, it is my destiny. But today, I’ll make another promise to myself: I’m going to enjoy my present. I’m going to spend time with those I love, enjoying the things that make me happy: books, food, laughing, flowers, body scrubs, being healthy, art, music, writing, photography, nature walks, and my Studio. I’m going to have fun, go crazy and embrace life in a way I haven’t before. I’m going to BE PRESENT. I’ve earned it.
On Christmas Day 2001, Mom was standing in line with my cousins, my friends and me, waiting to see The Fellowship of the Ring, so I was pretty happy that she was the one to see An Unexpected Journey, the first installment of The Hobbit, with me. It was a busy shopping day today and as we arrived at the multiplex we were hurrying as we thought ourselves late. The theater door was already closed and balancing my nachos in one hand, I opened the door with the other and ushered Mom through. The theater was empty this evening which I always prefer so we quickly chose seats in ‘middle middle’. We were just in time for the opening production graphics.
When we heard the narrator’s voice I realized I was smiling. The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit hold a special meaning for me and I was looking forward to the movie. It was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Middle Earth was gorgeous as usual and felt familiar, almost like coming home, if that’s possible. It was interesting to see a ‘younger’, less sure Gandalf and Martin Freeman (Bilbo) was thoroughly entertaining. I love it when actors ‘act’, meaning, with their whole selves: body and mind. I appreciated that.
The movie felt a bit prolonged at some points but I am always happy to be in that world, so I can’t really complain. I remember feeling a bit blue at the end of The Return of the King (final installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy), simple because it was ‘all over’ and I had to say farewell. So, I don’t mind the story of The Hobbit taking it’s time to unfold in three movies. I could’ve done without the singing but that’s the generation I was born into. (We feel odd when people break into song in a movie that’s not labelled as a musical.)
I also didn’t mind the appearance of a few characters who do not appear in the book, simply because this is a film adaptation of the Tolkien’s book and it adds to the story in a way. I heard something once which stuck with me: the idea of characters in novels or stories having lives the author knows nothing about. For me it is like that with some film adaptations of novels, including this one. Then too, The Hobbit is a part of the whole Lord of the Rings franchise in a way.
Even though we opted not to see the movie in 3D, visually, the movie was gorgeous and held my attention. The flight of the eagles was breathtaking. I can imagine that there will be a theme park ride of that sequence one day soon. The grand battle scene in Goblin Town had the pace of the opening sequence of Raiders of the Lost Ark coupled with a Jack Sparrow fight scene. A bit overdone, but again, I don’t mind Gandalf outdoing Indy or Jack Sparrow. 🙂
In The Fellowship of the Ring, Galadriel tells Frodo, “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” That always stuck with me, and in An Unexpected Journey this will:
“Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. That is not what I’ve found. I found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk, that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.” Gandalf the Grey
|Photographed at 4:48am, 4th Dec 2012|
Originally posted on March 9th 2011 Sometimes it’s good to glance back at where you came from so can remind yourself where you are going. 🙂
I’d just arrived at home after a really agonizing day at work. That day I was finding it particularly difficult to concentrate and thus do anything well. A social issue also bogged me down and by the time I left the office and was on my way home, I felt so heavy, drained, uninspired and simply wanted to crawl into my bed and curl myself into a little ball.
I sat despondent on my couch with the TV on when I got a text message from a good friend who wanted to know if I would like to meet up for a drink after yoga. When I told him I wasn’t going to yoga class that day and explained why, his reply was perfect:
“Hmm, well sounds like you had a tough day. Don’t worry about work, it’ll sort itself out tomorrow. In terms of that ‘social issue’, you already know what’s best for you. But I know you, and frankly you sound like you just might be feeling a little sorry for yourself.”
THAT made me sit up. The one thing I can’t stand is people feeling sorry for themselves. It’s perfectly understandable to vent frustrations and cry when things are bad. But wallowing in self pity has always been something that’s difficult for me to understand. And there I was, WALLOWING. I jumped into the shower and was in my car, heading to class in fifteen minutes.
I called my friend to say we could meet after class and thanked him for waking me up a bit. He said that he didn’t wake me up, that I know what I’m about and who I am, and it’s ok to forget sometimes.
“I know,” I told him, “I’m Luna. I’m a Light. Luna means Light.”
I arrived at the Studio, minutes before class and our Yoga Teacher was handing out pieces of paper, instructing us to write a ‘love’ letter to ourselves, declaring what we liked about ourselves. She said, ‘just go with it, really big-up yourselves’. I took that to mean, write the best YOU, you know you are. I stretched out on my tummy and began. We had one minute, after which we’d put the letter under our mats and began.
It was a great class that day. Just goes to show, when you push yourself to do something good for you, the rewards are limitless. This term we have been working on cleansing our bodies/minds/spirits of toxins, tension, and other agents that negatively impact upon our health and wellbeing, and inviting positive thought and behaviour patterns. “As we think, so we are.”
The following quote is what I wrote to myself. Now, I post it here for you. As you think, so you are also:
To my friend, – your deepest truest self, soon to be shown on the outside as well as within:
You are a light – bright, warm, welcoming, honest and brilliant.
You surround yourself and those around you with hope, magic, love and laughter.
You give comfort when it is needed and teach others to see the beauty in themselves and all around us.
You are respectful of life – your life, life around you in others, in all plants and animals, and our beautiful earth and cosmos.
You are truly part of the divine whole, easily recognizing and calling out the divine in others, and from the brightest light of all, which connects everything.
You are born from this light and will always be a part of that place that exists within all of us, in the wish part of our brain.
Whatever you believe, you can create and make it so.