Search

Moon, Light and Shadow

ART, POETRY, LOVE – THE MAGIC OF JOURNEYS

Category

New Beginnings

Breaking Up With Loved Ones

let_go-1
“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” — Daniell Koepke

For all love relationships, with significant others, friends and family, this works both ways. If you are anything like me, you have probably dished out your fair share of drama, confusion and pain to friends and loved ones. It is perfectly all right for those you have hurt to let YOU go as well. Continue reading “Breaking Up With Loved Ones”

A Sub-par Reality?

backtothegrind

Journal entry: 18th July 2014

I have to say, it has been less than a week since I came back from the most meaningful two weeks of my life and I am having some difficulty settling back in. I’ve always understood that there is a HUGE difference between doing what I want to do and doing what I have to do but I’ve never felt the difference this acutely before.

Adjustments and change have always been a bit tricky for me to navigate and I’m aware that it’s not ok to crawl into bed at 7pm just so I won’t be alone with my thoughts. I wake up early as usual, all excited about my day and raring to go at 4am. Then I remember that I have to spend most of my day in an un-fulfilling role, and I hide under the covers until I absolutely have to drag myself out of bed.

Those two weeks felt more real to me than this reality. While I understand that it will always feel more rewarding and fulfilling doing what I want to do instead if what I have to do, the experience was so much more than that.  I remember, on our last day, as we were having breakfast together for the last time, most of us were thoughtful and a bit sad. We all already knew that our lives were forever changed by this experience.

As we talked about what we each be doing the next day I had shrugged and said “Oh well, back to the real world.” Then immediately realized how incorrect that statement was. My life, my world before the Creative Retreat, now seems like the false one. My life has changed in ways I never would have dreamed and my reality before those two weeks  seems unreal to me now. 

Today 20th September:

I am still having dreams about writing, being around our workshop table and having excerpts to read. In the dreams I hear Professor Funso’s voice: “You must think about what it is you are trying to say.” Then ‘Aunty’ Merle says “But what you really mean by that?”

I wake up with words I have to write down which I quickly forget when thoughts of the office weasel their way in. But I am writing every day.

This was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Not just because of what I learned about writing but also because of the incredible people I met. I will never forget how it felt to meet and spend time with people who share this singular passion. We were all storytellers and it was an honour to have met so many brave, talented, interesting, warm and inspiring people.

Those two weeks have left an imprint on me. In so many ways. Since then I have added more value to my life by including more creative and purposeful endeavours.

Here’s to changing my life degree by degree.

The Lady At The Lighthouse

The Lady at The LighthousePhoto of me taken (and titled) by Kavita Ganness, one of my Cropper Sisters, on the last day of our Creative Workshop. We were at the Toco Lighthouse, squeezing in one more adventure before it was time to head back to “reality” and our old lives.

The Act Of Leaving

“I was surprised, as always, be how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility.” Jack Kerouac

I Only Wish You Love

There you go again,
chasing down that road.
I’ve held your hand
and watched you do this,
time and time before.
Now this time has come,
and you can walk alone.
I won’t right you when you stumble
Nor catch you when you fall.
I won’t kiss or hug away the hurt
from bumps or bruises.
This time, on my own and from afar,
 I’ll celebrate your joys
and mourn for you your losses.
Fare thee well, my friend,
as every time before,
I only wish you love.

What’s In A Year?

 

December 31st, a day for setting resolutions and goals, is fast approaching and I’m overflowing with blog post ideas: December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’; A possible explanation for my missing Farewell to 2011 post; My 2012 Wrap Up; What 2013 means to me; and many more. But right now, more than anything, I find myself ready for some peace of mind. If there is one thing I’ve done a lot of this year is THINK. I’ve analyzed EVERYTHING: the past, the present, the future, my behaviour, the behaviour of others, and supposed meanings in everything around me. It’s time for some quiet. So, I’m covering everything today. All these thoughts running rampant in my brain are coming out now. So, on with the show!
December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’
Last week, on the drive to the airport it was the hot topic. To me, the big change is the shift in collective consciousness. Of course this is a shift that has been happening for decades and it will continue to shift for a few more decades. This year simply marked an acceleration. For the first time in the history of humanity as we know it there is a global network unlike any other. Almost 35% of the people on the planet have Internet access. Almost 85% of the global population is literate. Information is shared in a way it never has been before, through the Internet, television, radio and print media. And, even though much of this ‘information’ is insubstantial and as far as I see it, rubbish, I cannot deny that I’ve seen people who are trying. I see those who are making a difference in the world by helping others, by teaching, and by doing their part to make the world a better place. Those are the ones who give me hope. That is the collective shift that I am talking about. I see more and more like minded people making connections and working together for common goals. It’s exciting and encouraging.
My missing ‘Farewell to 2011’ post
By December 2011 I’d been going to a psychotherapist for a little over a month. After an unnerving end to an unhealthy relationship I realized that I was at a point where I had to figure out how I’d reached a point in my life where I felt it was acceptable for me to deem myself unworthy of, well, more. When the time came to write my end of year post, all I would do was re-read my end of 2010 post and wonder where I went. A friend told me that I had already accomplished so much, just by standing up for myself and having the courage to try to understand my life and to change it. He was right, but at the time, I felt broken and unsure and quite frankly, terrified. I didn’t know whether or not I could do it. Changing a core belief from a negative one to a positive one after almost three decades of reinforcement seemed an insurmountable task. Looking back on it now, I would say that if there was anything at all I accomplished for 2011, it was that I took a hold of myself. I made ME my first priority and I knew for sure that no matter what was revealed to me and where my journey led, I wasn’t going to quit.
2012 Wrap Up
It’s fitting that this would be called a Wrap Up. Like they say in the film industry: “That’s a wrap!” It’s been one helluva year. A few weeks before my birthday in November I was talking to a friend and I said to him that I was as much as 90% happy with my life. I am surrounded by people who I genuinely care for and am genuinely cared for: a loving family and friends I respect and have so much fun with. I can afford to pay my bills and have enough to enjoy going out for dinner or meeting friends to share a bottle or two of wine. I made a commitment to myself to leave an unsatisfying job no matter what, and I reaffirmed my choice to make Luna Surya Studios a place for creativity and healing. I learned to love and respect myself in a way I never have before. I’ve come to an understanding about my history and I see all the potential that it has. I’ve learned to love all the shadowy corners of me and embrace all the light in me. I am truly grateful for my life and for all my gifts. At the very beginning of 2012 I remember saying that this was a year for change. This was to be a year to understand what was not healthy for me and to learn to let go. It was a year for improvement. It has been, with all the remarkable, painful, surprising and incredible lessons that such change brings with it. This has been, truly, an amazing year, and I am humbled with gratitude for having had it.
What 2013 means to me:
So here I am on the threshold of a new year and for once it really does feel like an ending and a beginning. I know that change will continue, as it is in life’s nature to do so. I’m OK with that. I am stronger than I’ve ever been I think and I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of POSSIBILITIES. My world is open. My future is open. 2012 was a year of soul searching, learning, lessons and revelations. I think for now, I can say that for 2013 my goal is to Be Present. I am grateful for the past, it is my teacher, and I look forward to the future, it is my destiny. But today, I’ll make another promise to myself: I’m going to enjoy my present. I’m going to spend time with those I love, enjoying the things that make me happy: books, food, laughing, flowers, body scrubs, being healthy, art, music, writing, photography, nature walks, and my Studio. I’m going to have fun, go crazy and embrace life in a way I haven’t before. I’m going to BE PRESENT. I’ve earned it.

The Last Rainbow

As it was written so it has come to pass.
Wrapped in a hemp jacket, on a plane
bound for a destination away from his heart.
Raindrops collect tears on small oval windows,
gaining momentum and down they roll.
There’ll be no more talk of rare moonbows.
Sobs choked back and all ascend.
With a deep breath the time has come.
It’s now or never, Amber’s off the shelf.
A noonday sun casts a shadow
On the misty gray retreating clouds below:
An aircraft encircled in a spectrum halo.
A rainbow’s reminder and promise:
Thank you for being you.
To be anything else is to be so much less.
As it was written so it shall be:
Today a new story will be chosen.
It was always mine: The story of Me.

Writing On The Wall

Last night I went with a friend to the opening of Paprika, a restaurant and lounge which was celebrating their new location. We arrived early and explored the many rooms. As expected, the décor was an eclectic and artistic mix, with so many interesting and unusual items. I could’ve spent hours there and not have enough time to notice everything. But, this bit of wall art caught my eye as soon as I walked down the hallway to the restrooms.

It’s a pretty good idea having these on the wall where you might end up standing in line to the loo. 
This one I liked the most:

Luna Means Light

Photographed at 4:48am, 4th Dec 2012

Originally posted on March 9th 2011 Sometimes it’s good to glance back at where you came from so can remind yourself where you are going. 🙂

I’d just arrived at home after a really agonizing day at work. That day I was finding it particularly difficult to concentrate and thus do anything well. A social issue also bogged me down and by the time I left the office and was on my way home, I felt so heavy, drained, uninspired and simply wanted to crawl into my bed and curl myself into a little ball.
I sat despondent on my couch with the TV on when I got a text message from a good friend who wanted to know if I would like to meet up for a drink after yoga. When I told him I wasn’t going to yoga class that day and explained why, his reply was perfect:
“Hmm, well sounds like you had a tough day. Don’t worry about work, it’ll sort itself out tomorrow. In terms of that ‘social issue’, you already know what’s best for you. But I know you, and frankly you sound like you just might be feeling a little sorry for yourself.”
THAT made me sit up. The one thing I can’t stand is people feeling sorry for themselves. It’s perfectly understandable to vent frustrations and cry when things are bad. But wallowing in self pity has always been something that’s difficult for me to understand. And there I was, WALLOWING. I jumped into the shower and was in my car, heading to class in fifteen minutes.
I called my friend to say we could meet after class and thanked him for waking me up a bit. He said that he didn’t wake me up, that I know what I’m about and who I am, and it’s ok to forget sometimes.
“I know,” I told him, “I’m Luna. I’m a Light. Luna means Light.”
“Exactly!”
I arrived at the Studio, minutes before class and our Yoga Teacher was handing out pieces of paper, instructing us to write a ‘love’ letter to ourselves, declaring what we liked about ourselves. She said, ‘just go with it, really big-up yourselves’. I took that to mean, write the best YOU, you know you are. I stretched out on my tummy and began. We had one minute, after which we’d put the letter under our mats and began.
It was a great class that day. Just goes to show, when you push yourself to do something good for you, the rewards are limitless. This term we have been working on cleansing our bodies/minds/spirits of toxins, tension, and other agents that negatively impact upon our health and wellbeing, and inviting positive thought and behaviour patterns. “As we think, so we are.”
The following quote is what I wrote to myself. Now, I post it here for you. As you think, so you are also:
To my friend, – your deepest truest self, soon to be shown on the outside as well as within:
You are a light – bright, warm, welcoming, honest and brilliant.
You surround yourself and those around you with hope, magic, love and laughter.
You give comfort when it is needed and teach others to see the beauty in themselves and all around us.
You are respectful of life – your life, life around you in others, in all plants and animals, and our beautiful earth and cosmos.
You are truly part of the divine whole, easily recognizing and calling out the divine in others, and from the brightest light of all, which connects everything.
You are born from this light and will always be a part of that place that exists within all of us, in the wish part of our brain.
Whatever you believe, you can create and make it so.
Shine On!!

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: