You were last of my young loves.
The last time I would fall
in love that way:
headlong and heart-strong
limbs a-tangle with
smiles and hugs abandon.
I tumbled down that hill
needing so much
all you could give
thinking it would make me
me. Continue reading “Young Loves”
You were last of my young loves.
You swore and said we are not not shining stars
This I KNOW… I never said we are.
Though I’ve never been through hell like that
I’ve closed enough windows to know YOU CAN NEVER LOOK BACK.
If you’re lost and alone or you’re sinking like a stone, CARRY ON…
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground
CARRY ON! ~ Fun
When I was dating my third boyfriend I explained to him that I believed that life and people were continually evolving, and because of that belief I would never close the book on anyone. He said “If you don’t close the book on anyone, you close the book on everyone.” Continue reading “The X – Factor”
When you withhold forgiveness or love from anyone, for any reason, it diminishes your awareness of the abundance of good in your life. You are stuck in so much old stuff, new stuff has no way of getting to you. In essence, the good that you withhold from others will be withheld from you. ~ Iyanla Vanzant
I am regretfully guilty of withholding love. I’m not talking about time outs. I’m talking about avoiding and ignoring loved ones. I used to do it as punishment for perceived slights, disappointments and hurts. I was hurting and wanted them to feel as bad as I did. Sometimes I used to withhold love to get a reaction, wrongly seeing a loved one’s attempts to reconnect as “proof” that I was worthy of being loved. That’s a lot of pressure to place on a loved one. I feel sincerely bad about that too. Continue reading “Withholding Love”
“When she was just a girl she expected the world
But it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy, The wheel breaks the butterfly, Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she’ll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she’d fly and dream of paradise” ~ Coldplay
It took me a long time to be vulnerable with loved ones. I’m not talking about sharing my deep dark secrets. I’m talking about revealing WHY I wanted to share those deep dark secrets and my not so dark secrets in the first place. I’m talking about being open enough to be vulnerable. I used to equate vulnerability with weakness. I used to think that being vulnerable and open about what I needed, and that I needed at all, meant that I wasn’t enough. Turns out I was wrong. All that ever really did was prevent me from making real connections because I wasn’t being authentic. I wasn’t being the real me. It takes vulnerability to truly connect. Continue reading “Vulnerability”
At some point in our dating history we have all heard or said that statement, or at least one of the following:
“Where I am in my life right now makes it’s better for me to be on my own.”
“My insecurities will play off your insecurities and vice versa. We will never work out.”
“I don’t have all my ducks in a row and you deserve to be with someone who does.”
“I’m just out of a relationship and I need some time to myself.”
“I need to focus on me right now.” Continue reading “Unrequited Love”
Excerpt from a beautiful piece by Elina St. Onge.
Attachment, which we often confuse with love, is the subconscious act of “investing” your own inner-discomfort and emotional baggage in something or someone else to protect yourself from facing and feeling it. This is why we become possessive and dependent. This is why we tend to reduce the other to a “thing” we get addicted to. This is why we can go from loving to hating as soon as our partner pushes our buttons and triggers something uncomfortable within us. Attachment has to do with personal fears more than it has to do with loving someone.
Unconditional love, however, begins with the understanding that all of your relationships – even the challenging ones – have something to teach you. If they push your buttons, they are making you aware of your buttons. Continue reading “Unconditional Love”
“Well sometimes you can’t change and you can’t choose
And sometimes it seems you gain less than you lose
Now we’ve got holes in our hearts, yeah we’ve got holes in our lives
Where we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes but we carry on”
I had coffee with a new friend a few evenings ago. We had a great time comparing our stories and getting to know one another. Later that night, while I was falling asleep, I thought about all that we had talked about. I realized that while I was happy to have shared what I consider to be new stories, I had spoken of the old stories in the same way that I had been for a long time, despite the fact that a lot of time had passed and my understanding and interpretation of those old stories had changed. Continue reading “The Real Story”
My exploration of love continues and now brings me to the Three Stages of Love, according to Bryan Reeves. He says that the stage you live in affects the quality, depth and magic of your experiences in life and love.
Stage 1 – I need you to love me.
Stage 2 – I will love myself.
Stage 3 – I am love, itself.
In Stage 1, I need the outside world to appreciate me, validate me, respect me, love me. To experience love, I need the outside world to be a certain way. My parents have to approve of me. I need to make this much money. My girlfriend has to behave in ways I like. My friends have to treat me a certain way. Continue reading “Stages of Love”
So what is real love?
In an attempt to get to the bottom of the question once and for all, the Guardian has gathered writers from the fields of science, psychotherapy, literature, religion and philosophy to give their definition of the much-pondered word.
The physicist: ‘Love is chemistry’
The psychotherapist: ‘Love has many guises’
The philosopher: ‘Love is a passionate commitment’
The romantic novelist: ‘Love drives all great stories’
The nun: ‘Love is free yet binds us’ Continue reading “Real Love Is?”