December 31st, a day for setting resolutions and goals, is fast approaching and I’m overflowing with blog post ideas: December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’; A possible explanation for my missing Farewell to 2011 post; My 2012 Wrap Up; What 2013 means to me; and many more. But right now, more than anything, I find myself ready for some peace of mind. If there is one thing I’ve done a lot of this year is THINK. I’ve analyzed EVERYTHING: the past, the present, the future, my behaviour, the behaviour of others, and supposed meanings in everything around me. It’s time for some quiet. So, I’m covering everything today. All these thoughts running rampant in my brain are coming out now. So, on with the show!
December 21st and the ‘end of the world as we know it’
Last week, on the drive to the airport it was the hot topic. To me, the big change is the shift in collective consciousness. Of course this is a shift that has been happening for decades and it will continue to shift for a few more decades. This year simply marked an acceleration. For the first time in the history of humanity as we know it there is a global network unlike any other. Almost 35% of the people on the planet have Internet access. Almost 85% of the global population is literate. Information is shared in a way it never has been before, through the Internet, television, radio and print media. And, even though much of this ‘information’ is insubstantial and as far as I see it, rubbish, I cannot deny that I’ve seen people who are trying. I see those who are making a difference in the world by helping others, by teaching, and by doing their part to make the world a better place. Those are the ones who give me hope. That is the collective shift that I am talking about. I see more and more like minded people making connections and working together for common goals. It’s exciting and encouraging.
My missing ‘Farewell to 2011’ post
By December 2011 I’d been going to a psychotherapist for a little over a month. After an unnerving end to an unhealthy relationship I realized that I was at a point where I had to figure out how I’d reached a point in my life where I felt it was acceptable for me to deem myself unworthy of, well, more. When the time came to write my end of year post, all I would do was re-read my end of 2010 post
and wonder where I went. A friend told me that I had already accomplished so much, just by standing up for myself and having the courage to try to understand my life and to change it. He was right, but at the time, I felt broken and unsure and quite frankly, terrified. I didn’t know whether or not I could do it. Changing a core belief from a negative one to a positive one after almost three decades of reinforcement seemed an insurmountable task. Looking back on it now, I would say that if there was anything at all I accomplished for 2011, it was that I took a hold of myself. I made ME my first priority and I knew for sure that no matter what was revealed to me and where my journey led, I wasn’t going to quit.
2012 Wrap Up
It’s fitting that this would be called a Wrap Up. Like they say in the film industry: “That’s a wrap!” It’s been one helluva year. A few weeks before my birthday in November I was talking to a friend and I said to him that I was as much as 90% happy with my life. I am surrounded by people who I genuinely care for and am genuinely cared for: a loving family and friends I respect and have so much fun with. I can afford to pay my bills and have enough to enjoy going out for dinner or meeting friends to share a bottle or two of wine. I made a commitment to myself to leave an unsatisfying job no matter what, and I reaffirmed my choice to make Luna Surya Studios a place for creativity and healing. I learned to love and respect myself in a way I never have before. I’ve come to an understanding about my history and I see all the potential that it has. I’ve learned to love all the shadowy corners of me
and embrace all the light in me. I am truly grateful for my life and for all my gifts. At the very beginning of 2012 I remember saying that this was a year for change. This was to be a year to understand what was not healthy for me and to learn to let go. It was a year for improvement. It has been, with all the remarkable, painful, surprising and incredible lessons that such change brings with it. This has been, truly, an amazing year, and I am humbled with gratitude for having had it.
What 2013 means to me:
So here I am on the threshold of a new year and for once it really does feel like an ending and a beginning. I know that change will continue, as it is in life’s nature to do so. I’m OK with that. I am stronger than I’ve ever been I think and I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of POSSIBILITIES. My world is open. My future is open. 2012 was a year of soul searching, learning, lessons and revelations. I think for now, I can say that for 2013 my goal is to Be Present. I am grateful for the past, it is my teacher, and I look forward to the future, it is my destiny. But today, I’ll make another promise to myself: I’m going to enjoy my present. I’m going to spend time with those I love, enjoying the things that make me happy: books, food, laughing, flowers, body scrubs, being healthy, art, music, writing, photography, nature walks, and my Studio. I’m going to have fun, go crazy and embrace life in a way I haven’t before. I’m going to BE PRESENT. I’ve earned it.